Looking for Insight

Ah a clearish day. I am unhappy to say that the old demons are back. Work got too much and snap, I broke.

This was a few weeks ago and I have had some insight as to what happened.

For some days now I have noticed that my mood went from very low to normal. It was like a wave or a tsunami. Imagine if you will a stick in the water. it is supported in such a way that it is upright. A force acts on the top of the stick forcing it down into the water occasionally making ripples. But if that force is constant and holds the stick down the ripples do not happen and water overflows out of the container. But eventually when that force is released the stick shoots up, gravity brings it down and this action on the water creates violent ripples across the surface of the water. Again this can have the effect of pushing water over the side of the container.

The water indicates the surface of emotional well being. As ripples flow across the surface these indicate if a mood is high or low. The level of the water in the container is the level of the individuals ability to cope with any given situation. Should the stick hit the base of the container then the ability to cope with a situation becomes purely a matter of will, and severe issues can result. The waves can become more violent and the changes in mood more extreme.

The interesting bit with this is that the stick is not acted upon by one thing at a time but by all life's stressors. So if one stress is released but another takes over more violent ripples occur.

That's my insight on this. I would really appreciate anyone's opinion or insight.

Kind regards
St.John

The Low Point

I was going to call this post Humpty Dumpty. My positive mind set has taken a beating again and has robbed me of my motivation.I'm not going to talk about what triggered it, I know what it was and there was it seemed precious little I could do about it. I can however endeavour to sort my thinking out and challenge the negativity. Not an easy task.

The build up of this I should have seen coming, it is one of the reasons these posts were absent in October. But it is pointless beating myself up over such things.

One exercise I have done with success in the past is to be aware of what is in my life that I am grateful for. I sit down with a pen and a piece of paper and write out a list. That list is currently very short and centres on my family.

The temtation is there to vent my dispair in full on here. There is a lot of anger that this has happened again but past experience is that the anger becomes directed inwards and makes it all worse. Going into detail about the problem concentrates the mind on the underlying mental state. You have to be ready for that, it is the only way through and the danger is that if you do it before you are ready it makes things a lot worse. You need that mental fortitude to be able to push through to get you out of the dark well of the negative thouhts.

So I absent myself from the trigger while I rebuild my defences and contemplate actions that may ultimately spare me this ugly experience.

Kind regards
St.John