I know you don't get it.

I know you do not get it.

On the surface I look ok. I do not have a fever, I walk and interact pretty much as normal. The problem is inside, unseen hidden from the world. You see that bed? The one you sleep in every night? Many people have the feeling that they need to stay in bed longer but are finally driven to get up, they have a family, a job, a life. Try and imagine that you have lost that motivation, that there is no point in getting up, that your contribution is pathetic, worthless in all your existence is pointless that everything you touch goes wrong or will do eventually.

Can you imagine that?

The sad thing is that I have felt like this. Not all the while it's a bit like the picture below.

You can feel pretty good, be having a good day and the slightest thing can crash your mood into a well of despair. Times like this I simply want to find a dark room and hide.

But I know you don't get it. It isn't your fault, I understand. The problem I have is that you are treating me as someone that is distracted or simply idle. You are trying to motivate me with what I could have. Where I could be if only I did ....

I wish that that was the answer but the reality is that my self esteem is non-existent. I do not even feel worthy of what you describe. I am also trying to protect myself against feeling any worse than I am at the present. You see me functioning and relatively normal but that is because I am feeling able to face the world. What you do not see is the times when I simply cannot face other people, because in those times I simply would not be there. If I am there then it is because that place is safe for me, it is lifting me.

I am not looking for sympathy. Just understanding. I am getting better but it will take some time. Please be patient.

Kind regards
St.John

Looking for Insight

Ah a clearish day. I am unhappy to say that the old demons are back. Work got too much and snap, I broke.

This was a few weeks ago and I have had some insight as to what happened.

For some days now I have noticed that my mood went from very low to normal. It was like a wave or a tsunami. Imagine if you will a stick in the water. it is supported in such a way that it is upright. A force acts on the top of the stick forcing it down into the water occasionally making ripples. But if that force is constant and holds the stick down the ripples do not happen and water overflows out of the container. But eventually when that force is released the stick shoots up, gravity brings it down and this action on the water creates violent ripples across the surface of the water. Again this can have the effect of pushing water over the side of the container.

The water indicates the surface of emotional well being. As ripples flow across the surface these indicate if a mood is high or low. The level of the water in the container is the level of the individuals ability to cope with any given situation. Should the stick hit the base of the container then the ability to cope with a situation becomes purely a matter of will, and severe issues can result. The waves can become more violent and the changes in mood more extreme.

The interesting bit with this is that the stick is not acted upon by one thing at a time but by all life's stressors. So if one stress is released but another takes over more violent ripples occur.

That's my insight on this. I would really appreciate anyone's opinion or insight.

Kind regards
St.John

The Low Point

I was going to call this post Humpty Dumpty. My positive mind set has taken a beating again and has robbed me of my motivation.I'm not going to talk about what triggered it, I know what it was and there was it seemed precious little I could do about it. I can however endeavour to sort my thinking out and challenge the negativity. Not an easy task.

The build up of this I should have seen coming, it is one of the reasons these posts were absent in October. But it is pointless beating myself up over such things.

One exercise I have done with success in the past is to be aware of what is in my life that I am grateful for. I sit down with a pen and a piece of paper and write out a list. That list is currently very short and centres on my family.

The temtation is there to vent my dispair in full on here. There is a lot of anger that this has happened again but past experience is that the anger becomes directed inwards and makes it all worse. Going into detail about the problem concentrates the mind on the underlying mental state. You have to be ready for that, it is the only way through and the danger is that if you do it before you are ready it makes things a lot worse. You need that mental fortitude to be able to push through to get you out of the dark well of the negative thouhts.

So I absent myself from the trigger while I rebuild my defences and contemplate actions that may ultimately spare me this ugly experience.

Kind regards
St.John

Halloween / Samhain

Initially I thought to make this post a poem. However, if you have ever seen any of my poetry you will realise that poetry is not my forte. I am going through a rough patch at the moment and as part of my climb out of it is to do something creative every day. This blog post is my creative bit for Halloween or as it is also known from Celtic times as Samhain.

The Honoured Dead

The past belongs to you, on your shoulders I stand. You may have passed in war and conflict and may have died in courage or cowardice. Your passing my have been peaceful for which I am glad, I have seen suffering and pain as people have passed and wish that on nobody. You were there before. You are my ancestor.

I am not responsible for the person that you were, your actions or your attitudes may be used by others to give a picture of who I am. This is not true, I am responsible for my own actions, my own attitudes and beliefs. What is important is that you were there and contributed to me being here.

For today I celebrate that you existed. That by being there I am here. For this I am grateful.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post. If you celebrate Samhain many blessings to you. If you are enjoying Halloween raise a glass to your ancestors in the midst of your revelry.

Kind regards
St.John

People Will be True to Their Nature

There is a story about a frog and a scorpion.

A frog is on the bank of a river about to jump in to cross to the other side. A scorpion sees the frog and says to him, "Hey frog! I see you are going to cross the river. Would you please take me?"
"You must be kidding," says the frog. "If I take you across on my back, you will sting me part way and I will die."
"No I won't," replied the scorpion. "If I did that I would go into the water and drown because I  cannot swim."
The frog thinks about this for a moment and decides that it would be safe to take the scorpion. The scorpion climbs onto the frog's back and they set off across the river.
Just over half way across the scorpion stings the frog.
Incredulously the frog turns to the scorpion just before going under the water. "Why would you do this? Now we will both die!"
"Because," replied the scorpion. "I am a scorpion. It is my nature."

This rather cold tale tells us that we need to be aware of people's nature. Though there are those that will talk their way into your company eventually their true nature will be revealed. Now often this will not be detrimental to you but other times their nature could be devastating.

Kind regards
St.John

Support for your home based business

One of the issues that people face when they start up their own home-based business is the reaction of their friends and family. These are the people that we expect to be the most supportive, these are the people that we know and trust. They are the ones that know and trust us. It's going to be simple, we waft the business idea in front of them and they fall over themselves to buy your product or join you in your endeavour to become financially and time free.

But what really happens?

So you approach lets call them Bob. You speak to them and tell them a bit about the business you have joined. Usually you avoid using the scripts - these are friends, they want the best for you and you don't want to use these super sales techniques.

Then you get their reaction. Those who are being polite will give you the look. The look is characteristic, they do not look at you head on, their nose doesn't point in your direction it's just off to one side and the head is tilted slightly back, but their eyes through slightly closed lids look at you with a profound sadness or disbelief. Now if you are new you do not know what this means but you do experience a sense of disquiet as they look at you. This disquiet is that you really do not know what they think. Do they need more information or do they think that you have jumped off the deep end.

Those that are not polite are a bit more direct, and will either laugh at you or tell you that you have lost your reason, joined a cult, build pyramids etc.! This is a good thing - at least you know without a doubt where you stand.

Neither of these two reactions or many others that you may come across are very supportive. But these are your friends, your family, they want the best for you and no doubt do not wish to see you hurt. Now this is not the reaction you sought or indeed want. These reactions are based on fear, ignorance for you but also the fear that you will suck them to their doom in your business.

Real support comes from those rare, and I mean rocking horse droppings rare, people that will sit you down and ask questions about your business. They will find out what it is all about, and give you an honest opinion good or bad. They will not judge until they have heard you out, this does not mean that they are not motivated by the same feelings of fear that the others are. But these people trust your judgement and will be there for you either way. These are the people that will either join you sooner or later depending on your level of success or the quality of the product or service.

The sorry point of this is that on the whole your immediate friends and family are generally speaking not going to be supportive of you. Even your wives and mothers. The people that you will get the most effective and continuous support from are your colleagues in the business you have joined. They will have gone through this and have the experience and fortitude to push through. Now the people on the outside will view this as a threat. You will be turning away from their advice, and as you do so will become successful.

Kind regards
St.John

An Unpleasant Experience. A learning experience.

I have been thinking about putting this particular experience on here for a few weeks now. I was reluctant as at the time it was a very difficult experience for me, but it does form part of my journey and growth in my business. One of the main reasons for this blog is to share my experiences. It is not meant to be a pity fest! I am not looking for {hugs} in the comments, or commiseration or anything like that. This happened years ago. I'm still in business and I have gained promotion since this.

Jim Rohn in his audio Building your Network Marketing Business, states that there are only nine or ten nasty horrible people in the world. He then goes on to say that they move around a lot and occasionally you will come across one. I guess this could be one of those experiences. I would guess that what he means is that normal people like you and I can have a bad day, we get stressed, frustrated, tired even, and when someone comes along out of the blue with something that is trivial it can trigger a release of all that pent up tension. In other words you get both barrels!.

So this is what happened. I had shown my business to a family friend, and they had become customers and like a good Network Marketer I'd asked for referrals. They gave me two and I respectfully asked my new customer to contact these people and expect my call. I even asked when they would be able to do this and would they have done this by the same time the following week.

Now all you experienced people stop it! I know I should have asked this person to do it there and then. What can I say? I was in the first few months of doing this business, I was excited that I'd signed a customer and I didn't want to impose!

I waited the full week, and then a day or so more. This was my first experience with a referral, the first time I had contacted someone I didn't know. I dialled the first number. I was shaking a bit and pacing up and down the room.

There was no answer. The anti-climax hit me like a truck!

I dialled the second number.

It connected. "Hello is this name? My name is St.John I was at name's house the other day talking about saving money. Did name call you to let you know I'd be phoning?"

"No, but I have been busy. Name probably called when I was out."

Me, "Oh!" I was flustered at this point and I do not recall what I said next but it must have been right because the referral made an appointment with me. I was overjoyed, did a little dance and tried the first number again.

This one did not go so well. I do think that if I had got through on the first attempt with this referral I would not have made the second phone call. I called this other person. I do not remember the exact conversation, it started off as the one above but when this person said no to my question if they had been contacted by my customer things got ugly. This person began to rant down the phone at me stating that they were not interested and would never do anything like that, or words to that effect. It was the sort of reaction that you would expect if someone came up to you and asked you to drown a box of cute puppies or kittens. If I was flustered on the previous call this floored me. I did have the awareness to apologise for disturbing them before hanging up. I felt emotionally shredded.

If any of you have read Rhinoceros Success by Scott Alexander (a truly witty entertaining read that contains a lot of decent instruction along with it) this was one hell of a torpedo! It was one of those instances where I wanted to "Turn the TV on and my mind off," - Eric Worre but I had this appointment and that kept me going.

I also did the right thing by contacting my sponsor and talked over the experience. This kept me going, but I would be lying if I said that this did not effect me to this day. There is always the chance of being in contact with someone at the wrong moment or one of those people that are not very sociable. However I have more experience now and would not be as blown away as I was on that occasion. If you dear reader experience something like this then talk to your sponsor. Ninety nine percent of people are going to be polite even if they say no. But do not be frightened to make sure that the person that has given you the referral has contacted those they are referring and make sure they have the option to decline your call.

Kind regards
St.John